Well, that’ll teach me to put someone’s name in quotation marks, in a rudely sarcastic tone.
I quickly got bored of my new social networking site and decided I was never going to like anyone and that Neill was inviting far too many people to the cinema far too often.
So I wanted to close my account, but could not see for the life of me how to. I instead wrote to the administrators to ask them to do it. And I could have just left it at that, couldn’t I? I could have left it at ‘please close my account,’ but instead old big gob over here had to go and tell them why I wanted to leave and that I no longer wished to receive five emails a day asking me if I wanted to join ‘Neill J’ at the cinema.
Yes, I used quotation marks for his name.
The managing director emailed me back. The managing director, Neill J.
Whoops. Hi Neill. He kindly apologised for over-inviting and said it was just because although the site had plenty of members, it would seem no one was actually very good at instigating events. Then he asked me if, in return of one year’s free membership, would I stay on board and perhaps just initiate the odd event?
Guilt surged through me. What a meannie I am. No wonder I don’t have any friends.
Yes, Neill, of course I’ll stay on board and invite people to do things. So now not only am I a full member of a website I wanted to leave, but I’ve also committed myself to 12 months of socialising with strangers.
First up – a dinner for girls only next Friday. I thought I’d start with a girlie dinner as it’s a few girlie friends that I’m after anyway. Plus Gareth thinks most of the men will probably be rapists so best not to invite them.
I followed the instructions for sending out an invite to my gender and age group and clicked send. ‘Congratulations!’ the website declared. ‘You’ve just invited 359 people to dinner!’
Christ. I’m not very good with women at the best of times. I either get shy and don’t know how to talk to them, or get drunk and snog them. Now I’m inviting 359 of them to dinner? Alarm bells are ringing already.
"The composition of my soul is made, too great for servile, avaricious trade.
When raving in the lunacy of ink, I catch my pen and publish what I think."
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